The 4th of july ...

Its my birthday, I wake up at around 10 like any other day, Little did I know how the day was going to unfold...
I receive calls from friends and relatives as the day progresses.. Calls from people who you knew would call , surprising calls from good ol' pals... Just another birthday, thats what i said to myself :)
At 1pm the courier man arrives to deliver the long awaited camera , my prized possession. My mom receives the package and brings it to me , As soon as I hold the package , I m like "This is so light as if it were only the thermocol box and nothing in it ." Anyways I set that thought aside and the next moment me and my uncle are unpacking the package in an impatient frenzy, I was filled with joy, although momentary because to our freaking surprise, the box was empty. For a moment I thought it was a joke and snapped back to reality in the next millisecond. I walked down to my room, filled with a million thoughts in my mind, picked up and called the camera guy in madras.

Tring Tring ...
Me: Hello , I m calling from coimbatore , Jaskirat Singh
Camera Guy: Yeah tell me , did you receive the parcel?
Me: Yeah , but there is nothing inside!!
Camera Guy: WHAT?! Camera ? Battery ? Nothing ?
Me: Yeah! Are you sure you put the shit inside?
Camera guy is pissed offf...
Camera Guy: Sir , How can you bluntly blame me like this , I have been in this field for ten years.
Me: Sorry that was not my intention.. But what the heck am i supposed to do ?
Camera Guy: I ll go and check upon the madras branch of the courier office, meanwhile you enquire at the coimbatore branch.
Me: (Confused) Ok

I kick start the bike and fled to the RS puram branch of the courier office at coimbatore, since that was the branch that delivered the package to me. I walk in to the courier office with a 'baffled and fucked-up' look on my face, I explain to this guy (Vijaykumar, branch office manager) what happened. He is like please bring the parcel , we might need to have a look at it . I m like "what the hell difference is an empty parcel box with a paper cover outside make to you, call up the head office, get me the tracking details, when the parcel arrived at where and stuff". Meanwhile I go home and get the empty parcel shit. I call upon my neighbor cum family friend, Mr Mickey and his accomplice to come with me for help.

As we walk out of the house , Its drizzling , we decide to take the car. We ride to the Same RS puram branch of the courier office. The three of us walk to the same guy I met earlier, The guy is clueless . He says "I ll have to wait for the delivery boy who came to deliver the package to your house and then i ll get back to you"
I m like "Here liSten, check the weight of this empty box and shit", he is like its 200grams, to which i reply "the parcel was booked for 350 grams approximately, check your records, The package seems to be torn and repacked on one end"
Mr mickey notices the cello tape on one end of the torn package and cuts in the middle "Listen , Its a clear case of fraud, Look at the cello tape , there is variation is the width of the cello tape used to originally pack this which is all over the thing and this other wider cello tape which has been only used at this one end and ofcourse let alone the 150 grams weight missing". The other guy is baffled, He picks up the cell phone and tries to contact the delivery boy , walking out of the office. Meanwhile we are sitting at his desk and thinking what to do next, we had to get to the problem point, where this shit occured. It could have happened in the madras office, or maybe at the madras head office, or at the coimbatore head office or this one. Head offices and transit systems are ruled out because there are more checkpoints there and hardly any time for this shit to happen, parcels only stay momentarily at head offices and are distributed to branch offices almost immediately, Besides there are too many people at a head office for this kind of fraud to occur. All of a sudden, our friend here notices the cello tape at the courier office, and subtly points it out to me. Me and mickey examine that shit and it seems to be the same width as the one on the torn side, repacked shit. Okay, no big deal, there prolly only 2-3 sizes of cello tape and luckily or unluckily the one here seems to be the one so no big deal. The vijay kumar guy arrives and we explain the rapacked shit to him, although we dont tell him about the cello tape he is like i can tell you something only after the delivery boy comes back...

Mickey then adds "listen , you get back to me in say an hour , fine ? Else i have to proceed in a different route" ending that on a sharp tone,we leave the place.Mickey goes home, he asks me to go to the Head office and collect details regarding this shit.I walk in to the head office in gandhipuram, coimbatore. There is this manager guy here who is helpful, I get all the details from him.He is like the record weight from madras is 400 grams,we recheck every parcel before we distribute it to the delivery offices, It was 380 grams this morining and recorded in the comp.
so i m like measure this shit(the empty parcel) on the same weighing scale, it was 210grams.
I m like "listen this is the same shit you measured in the moring 380 g, now its 210,my cam was around 150 grams. So clearly whatever happened , happened after the parcel left the head office and before it reached me, i dont care what the fuck you do , explain the 170 grams weight difference to me.He calls up the rs puram manager and asks him to come over... Meanwhile this our camera guy is causing havoc at the chennai office, I called him and told him to settle down a bit...
Now this main manager guy is talking to, screwing, explaining all the freaking possibilities to the other rs puram manager guy who is like "I have got it from you and distributed to my delivery network who carried to mr singh, How can you blame me ?"
The manager guy is , my responsibility stops with handing over the parcel to you which was checked to be 380 grams, After that its your problem. I don't care how you do it. The computer and machine are not wrong, there is 170gram variation and you are liable for explanation ...
The delivery guy who brought the parcel to my place is also here outside the cabin.He is waiting out with an innocent face, i-dint-do-it shit.
I m like listen Mr manager , you leave this shit , give this rs puram guy an hour to track , do his shit whatever, Listen now i know where this has happened , I know how to handle this , If this guy is not able to do it himself , I ve got my own guys to do the job ..." (Faking as i was told to by uncle and mickey).The delivery boy is outside, he is sorta listening over.
Then i walk out blankly,as if i dont care what happened to the cam , i know i ll get it.(ah! fuck i was in tears i was controling them)
I come out and there are all these delivery boys,they are like , we know him he dint do it ...and i m like listen , to some guy who is not involved at all (the delivery boy is listening from a distance) "I don't know who did it , that is upto you to tell to me, I only know where it occurred , if its not one guy its all of you , The commissioner is a good friend of mine , I know how to deal this myself , but thats not what i mean to do , but if i have to i will , now i have to go , see you in an another two hours"
Now cos after the weight shit i m pretty much sure it happened here, so as i leave i give them shit about the cello tape, the intention was to freak who ever was involved, if by chance he was a novice at this stealing shit , he should give in eventually.And i leave, these guys are like confused
I m like "go home - keep cool",I go and lie down in mickeys house for an hour... He is like give them time to freak out and he is cooly sleeping.

Then at 7 o clock we go to the rs puram office, this other unknown guy is there and mickey is like "where is vijay kumar?", the other guy is like , "he is gone out,he should be back in 10 mins.".
Mickey acts super pissed, he flicks the phone and dials to my uncle and gives vijay kumars number to him.He also calls his police friend and talks shit to freak who-ever-is-over-hearing and could pass it to the 'other guys' .. He finally tells this other guy , I've been decent enough, now i ll have to do it my style, you ll talk if there is a rod up your ass... This guy walks out
Meanwhile my uncle calls this vijay kumar guy and freaks him out of his guts,my uncle is drunk and talks all shit to this guy. The vijaykumar guy finally calls back in a few minutes, he is like we beat up this delivery guy and he admitted to have stolen the camera... These other guys are pleading, blah blah... finally all of them come home to return the cam, and beg , cos all of them would lose their jobs and association and shit nonsense , they are also kinda freaked out thinking we ve got connections with the mafia... Clearly the two people involved should be the rs puram guy and the delivery guy who took all the blame , so every one could point a finger at the only person. Whatever!! "All is well that ends well"
There was a cake ready at the end,and oh if i forgot to mention its also my sisters bday today.
Same day, two years later :)
Finally its all over, My friends are at home, with a cake ready to be cut, we go to eat out at around 10 to a chinese restaurant ... WHAT A DAY!



8 people swore after reading this post:

July 5, 2007 at 3:26 AM Mohan said...

dey u missed to mention abt the significance of my "kalakku" in u having trouble with the parcel da!...i think u must dedicate an entire post for this "kalakku" da...plz do it describing where and how it worked out...i mean all the kalakkus...

July 5, 2007 at 8:20 AM >>Jass said...

That i have to write a seperate post for , besides i dont want to freak out people...

July 5, 2007 at 8:36 AM Aarthy said...

did u take photos? :P

July 6, 2007 at 12:01 PM Arthi said...

Yes, kallaku point missed ;). Freaky!

July 6, 2007 at 12:57 PM Soundarya said...

super adventure da!

July 7, 2007 at 1:29 AM >>Jass said...

@sonu : heh.. hell yeah!

July 9, 2007 at 10:44 AM rajesh said...

kalaku jaski. excellent work :)

July 24, 2007 at 6:57 PM Mages said...

Maaple, awesome da.. Great great.. I could imagine it happening.. well done.. And oh ya, belated bday wishes (to ur sis also ).. ;-)

 

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